Why “Seen, Safe, and Supported” Are the Only 3 Things Anxious Brains Need

I wrote those three words on a scrap of parchment and taped it inside the deck box. Seen. Safe. Supported. Not because I ran a study. Because every time my worry felt too loud, I could feel which one was missing.

From my chair to yours, I see you. That is the first one, and I mean it.

Seen

Seen is not the same as fixed. Seen is someone noticing that your hands are busy and your smile is doing extra work. In my chair I practice seeing myself the way I would see a sister: with a little tenderness and no cross-examination.

You can be seen by a person, a pet, a card, a sentence. You can be seen by the way you pull the throw over your knees and admit, I am having a day.

Safe

Safe is the room. The locked door if you need it. The unclenched jaw. Breathing for panic starts here, not with a lecture. I look at the window. I feel the chair behind me. I remember I am in Marine City, in a body, on a Thursday.

Safe is also knowing when the chair is not enough. A local crisis line exists for that. Open Help worldwide. That is support, not a verdict on your strength.

Supported

Supported is the third cup of tea someone sets down without a speech. It is a deck of anxiety support cards that do not scold you. It is chair to chair support — two seats, one quiet line between them.

A story

A friend sat in the other chair last spring and did not ask me to be inspiring. She said, I can stay twenty minutes. I cried because twenty minutes with no performance is a kind of church. The floral pillow got damp. We laughed at that later. Seen. Safe. Supported. The whole theology of the deck in one visit.

A grounding practice

Place a hand on your chest and say: I am here.
Place a hand on the chair and say: I am held.
Name one person, pet, or resource that can hold a corner with you.

Affirmation

I can be seen without being solved. I can be safe in this minute. I can let support in.

Those are the only three I keep on the inside of the box. Everything else is extra lace.

Pull a card when you need it. I’m right here in my chair. Find your calm at https://mychairtoyours.com/calm

If you are in crisis, open Help worldwide and use the line for your country. Formerly noted: 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone.