Most of us have a voice inside that keeps a running commentary. It notices the dish you forgot, the word you said wrong, the thing you meant to finish. And for many of us, that voice is not very kind.
From my chair to yours, I want to offer a small idea: you are allowed to speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.
Notice the voice first
You cannot soften something you have not noticed. So for one day, just listen. When you hear “You always mess this up” or “What is wrong with you,” pause and say quietly, “There it is again.”
You do not need to argue with it yet. Noticing is already a kind act. It puts a little space between you and the words.
Ask the friend question
When the harsh voice speaks, try asking: “Would I say this to a friend sitting in my chair?” Almost always, the answer is no. You would say something softer. Something true and warm.
Then say that softer thing to yourself. It may feel strange at first, even a little silly. That is okay. New words take a while to feel like home.
A few kind phrases to keep close
It helps to have gentle words ready before you need them. Here are a few I come back to:
- “I am doing the best I can with what I have today.”
- “This is hard, and I am allowed to find it hard.”
- “One mistake is not the whole story of me.”
- “I can try again tomorrow.”
Write one on a small card and keep it by your chair, on the mirror, or in your pocket. Read it when the old voice gets loud.
Kindness is a practice, not a feeling
You do not have to believe the kind words for them to help. Some days you will say “I am doing my best” and part of you will roll its eyes. Say it anyway. Gentle words are a little like watering a plant. You do not see the change each day, but it is happening.
And if you catch yourself being harsh about being harsh, smile at that too. It is all part of learning.
A card for the chair
The Self-Love deck holds 50 short, gentle cards, each with one kind sentence or small practice to try. Pull one in the morning, or at the end of a long day, and let it be the voice you listen to for a while.
If the harsh voice feels heavy, constant, or frightening, this note is not a substitute for care. Use the Help page, or the local number you trust.
You deserve your own kindness, too. Come back to the chair whenever you need it.
My Chair To Yours — mychairtoyours.com — Keri Lyn Turner